Meeting the Dirty Blonde for a drink, I am feeling excited, exuberant, full of Thursdayishness.
Our newest restauranting venture is in Portobello. We are moving on up in the world. No more backstreets for us. Portobello House Bistro, the name oozes urban sophistication.
That notion, however, slowly starts to fade as we pass Ladbroke Grove and edge northward to Kensal Rise, a stroll usually noted for the progressive drunkenness of the crowds congregating outside off-licences.
But the descent away from Notting Hill doesn’t mean what it did five years ago. The cut-off line between the fancier parts of Portobello and the wasteland beyond has been shifting for decades.
A couple of streets every year are plumped up and gentrified, the defining acheivement of this transformation being marked by the revamping of the old local into what has become a fleet of middle class quasi-gastro pubs.
In that sense, Portobello House Bistro is right on the money. With its bright, vibrant walls, comfortable leather chairs and wooden floors, it’s the definition of West London evening leisure.
It is positioned perfectly in a part of Ladbroke Grove where the new aspiring Notting Hillers are setting up shop. Standing aloof on the street corner with no other restaurants, it glows with comfort and warmth and the promise of chilled out evenings with friends. It’s certainly busy, although not too busy to find a place to sit – ideal really.
Its outside garden, kitted with white chairs is cute but elegant and will make it a favourite hangout in the summer months, or for all you smokers.
The Portobello House Bistro clearly knows its customers and, armed with a much-needed late licence (woooo to drinking till midnight in suburbia!), looks set to become a much-loved local pub.
But that is what it is. A pub. Not a bistro. The menu offers up doses of pretentiousness, there is pigeon, hand-chopped steak tartar, and specially cooked Apple Tatin, but ultimately it all fails to deliver. Stay away from the Tatin in particular. It’s a giant overly-glazed churro masquerading as a French dessert.
The steak is chewy, the mozzarella salad nothing special and the deep fried calamari a little fishy. All the produce could pretty much do with a spruce up, like the interior of the once grimy local. Even if the outward packaging of both is very appealing.
I had reprimanded the Dirty Blonde for wanting to order the burger – so unoriginal – but now she was reprimanding me back. “I bet the burger is really good.” Yes, yes, I know. I didn’t get it.
And it seems Portobello House Bistro doesn’t get it either because it is not fulfilling its true potential. The upper food market is well and truly catered for in the area. If people want good food, they know where to go. And if you can’t compete, you should stick to what you’re good at.
Simpler dishes, done well, would have made the evening all but perfect.
Which is a shame because there is so much to love about the place. The staff are just so incredibly courteous and nice. To everyone. The manager walks around asking diners how the food is. You see him regularly sitting down and joining in with customers, laughing away and cracking jokes. It looks like a labour of love, not a chore.
The waitresses are polite, quick and very friendly. This is a non-existent trait in the West London pub world. No frantic arm waving and ordering two drinks at once because they take too long to come. Don’t dare pretend you have never done this. We all do. The Dirty Blonde taught me well.
The wine menu is extensive and a large proportion of the wines are available by the glass, which is great if you want to chop and change. The South African chardonnay, Haystack Journey End, is particularly delightful. It manages to be an inexpensive full-bodied white, which isn’t too sweet, or heavy. This is rare.
The staff knows their stuff too, so they can recommend proper accompaniments to food, one of the few perks of the pub/restaurant hybrid experiment. The hard liquor selection is also huge, and you won’t be found wanting when you go to Portobello House Bistro to have a fun evening with friends. But that is what you should do.
It’s not one for taking your parents out for a nice dinner, at least not yet. Like the area around it Portobello House Bistro is still finding its feet.